How to support yourself (a life coach´s guide)

Learn self-love in practice with this actionable guide on how to support yourself. 
We all go through challenges and rough paths in our lives and there is no cure-all against problems. We can, however, learn to support ourselves in more constructive ways, resulting in us feeling more empowered and able to handle it.

Here, you will learn the recipe of how to support yourself instead of pushing yourself down. No matter what type of challenges or hardships you´re going through, this guide is made to help you feel better equipped to get through it.

If you struggle with…

• negative self-talk
  You have a strong habit of criticizing yourself. When you make mistakes (before, during, or after the mistake), you push yourself down into a deep pit of judgment. You focus much more on what you dislike or hate about yourself than what you like or love about yourself.
  
• a destructive mindset
  You get stuck in spirals of worry, fear, and horrible ´what if´-scenarios.
  You spend a lot of time overthinking and aim to find errors in yourself.
  
• how to express yourself clearly
  You don´t feel comfortable or able to ask/reach out for support when needed.
  You don´t know how to ask for the type of support you need (in that moment, or at all).

– this guide is for you!

When you are pushing yourself down, you are actively limiting yourself from allowing all of these emotions, thoughts, and empowered actions into your life.

Because why would you allow yourself to be happy?
You’re a piece of shit, not good enough for happiness without conditions.
….or are you?

What would it be like if whenever you’re experiencing challenges, you would naturally view yourself and your efforts from a loving and caring perspective? Completely free from any internal judgment and criticism, would you feel MORE or LESS safe to learn and grow?
Would you feel MORE or LESS encouraged to try new approaches?

THE FULL GUIDE

How to support yourself:

1. Set your intention 

(what kind of support do you want, how will it impact you in your life, and when do you want/need to feel supported?)

– First, set your intention;
Identify why you personally want to, need to, and will make this happen.
Then decide to do it. Not to tryyyy, but to make it real.

– Identify your desired support (get clear on what you want and how you want it)
How would you rather be supported? (emotional support and empathy, supportive actions, words of affirmation, physical touch, alone time, etc.)
What supportive actions or behavior do you value most?
How do you prefer to support those you love?

Now that you understand how you would rather be supported (by others and yourself), you have created a clear recipe for how to support yourself. This is when you need to give yourself permission and allow yourself to follow that recipe, without limiting your own efforts.

2. Eliminate internal limitations 

(do you believe you are not worthy of support? challenge your limiting beliefs and check how true – and valuable – they really are. then replace your old, limiting beliefs with new, empowering beliefs.) 

– Eliminate limitations

Identify any harmful or destructive beliefs that are limiting how you see yourself (and thereby how you treat yourself).

For example, if you think less of yourself than the people you love; challenge the belief and ask yourself “why is that?”. “Where did that belief come from?”.

Even if it might have been (or felt) true at one point in your life, is it necessarily true at this moment or going forward?

*Replace your limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs, so that instead of limiting your actions, emotions, or thoughts, you liberate and empower yourself to take as much action as possible with the best emotions possible.

What’s something else about you that is also true, but adds more value to focus on?

3.  Control your focus

Practice noticing whenever you are NOT supporting yourself as you want and what is limiting you from doing it at that moment. then redirect your focus in a new, more constructive direction through empowering questions.

Control your focus by:

Noticing when you are thinking or acting against your recipe.

Gently re-directing your focus to align with your recipe, by asking constructive or empowering questions.

• “How would I support my best friend in the same scenario?”, “What would I say or do, and how would I want to make them feel?”
• “What’s the best way to solve this?”
• “How would [my role model] solve this/get through this?”
• (empowering) What’s the best thing about this (experience or situation)? 

Make it actionable for yourself to accomplish through asking empowering and action-focused questions:

• What’s one thing I can do right now to actively show myself support?
• What´s one self-supporting habit I wish I had already implemented in my life?
• What’s the first step to take today to move closer to that reality?

LIVING WITH YOUR SUPPORT
To get the most value here, let´s do a quick exercise to learn the emotional impact (how it will feel) of self-support in your life.

Why? Because it is so easy to read and learn, but then just go about your day and life, and in the end; what value did the value have in your life? What difference did it ultimately make?
Without actually applying the value, we can never know the results. 

For just a moment now, I want you to allow yourself to imagine what life would actually be like when you are your own biggest supporter. 

Feel certain of the emotional impact that it will have in all areas of your life.

How will truly supporting and being there for yourself impact your sense of self-love? Your courage? Your sense of power? Confidence? Your calm?
How will supporting yourself through everything and anything impact your relationship with yourself? Your relationships with others?

Take a deep breath and allow yourself to get completely certain now of how it will feel when you are truly there for yourself.

That´s it.
From here, you can use that sense of certainty to motivate yourself to START and CONTINUE supporting yourself. Now that you truly know the difference it will make in your life, do you feel more or less encouraged to start showing yourself support? 

Finally, apply it in actionable ways to make it WORTH IT:

• What is one thing (a really small thing or a big thing – your choice) you can do right now (or today) to show yourself support or love? Practice focusing on only one thing at a time to get started doing something. What´s one thing you can do now to show yourself support?
    

What´s one action to take right now to show yourself support?
EVEN if it feels weird. Or new. Or uncomfortable. What´s something you can do to show yourself that you actually care? 

INSPIRATION
Could you hug yourself?
Could you give yourself a genuine compliment?
Could you take one task off your shoulders (by starting it, completing it, or delegating it)?

Ask yourself and answer:

1. Identify clear tasks to do: 

• How can I best support myself in this situation/at this moment?
• What kind of support do I want and need to get through this the best way?

2. Identify needed support:

• What type of support will cover everything to get me from Here (problem) to There (solved)? 
• What actionable steps will solve this problem/resolve this situation? 
• What in this situation/experience/moment can I CONTROL or IMPACT, and what is out of my hands?