Learn how to set expectations without disappointment

When we are expecting something, we create a scenario within us that conveys one option of what could happen. The stronger and more detailed we build up our expectations, the more real that option feels. When then reality catches up with us, and things perhaps don´t happen according to our expectations, it is very easy to feel disappointed.
Many of us get stuck there.
Engaging with thoughts of what should have happened instead of what actually happened. Frustratedly focusing on ´could have been´s and ´should have happened´s, while digging a deeper hole of disappointment for (only) ourselves to experience.

Focus your expectations on what you can impact and influence

To avoid that disappointment, it is important that we aim to focus on emotional states when building our expectations. Emotional states are -unlike events- always within our own control or influence. Events and situations are basically impossible to predict (at least matched with reality), making these types of expectations a setup for disappointment. And who is it that experience that disappointment?
Many of us build up our own internal expectations of others, and of situations. Of what should happen, or how it should happen. We expect things to go a certain way, or people to act according to our imagination. Then it becomes so easy for reality to hit differently, leading us to suffer from the stinging disappointment. 

Do you want to make it easier or harder for yourself to feel disappointed?

Harmful and Empowering expectations:
The night out

Imagine that your next night out will involve amazing conversations with a new, exciting person, dancing with the most attractive person there, and the night ending in you having a magical midnight kiss on the terrace under the stars.

Could it happen? Sure.
Will it happen? Maybe not.

With this focus, you are expecting a lot of specific events to occur according to how you want them to be. In other words, you are setting the stage for disappointment.

Now imagine that your next night out will involve a lot of happiness and positivity, regardless of what specific events will take place. You will have a much easier time actually fulfilling and experiencing your expectations.

Harmful and Empowering expectations:
The job interview

Next up, you are preparing for a job interview. Before the interview, you spend time thinking about how the interview will go, what questions they will ask, how you will answer, and, of course, building up the expectations of your desired outcome. It is always good to imagine a positive outcome, but when you expect specific results, you risk experiencing a lot of disappointment if things don´t go according to your plan. If you expect the job interview to end in an offer, then that specific event determines whether or not you will feel disappointed after the interview. 

A more valuable approach when building up expectations around your next job interview is to focus on how you want to feel. This way, you are free to imagine yourself as confident, empowered, compassionate, enthusiastic, positive, or secure. Because your emotional states are something you can influence and direct, this is a very effective way to get exactly what you want – regardless of the situation and outcome.

MINI COACHING:
Get confident before your job interview

– How do you want to feel during the job interview?

(Confident)

– What type of thoughts do you focus on when you´re feeling confident?

(________________)

– How do you use your body when feeling truly confident?

(________________)

– When are some times you´ve felt really confident in your past?

(________________)

– What are some things you can do to instantly feel more confident?

(________________)

– How can you best prepare to feel truly confident during the job interview?

(________________)

– What will you do to make yourself feel confident during the job interview?

(________________)

TLDR

How do you expect without disappointment?
Choose to focus on the feelings that contribute to the best outcome for you in every situation.
Expect yourself to feel calm. To feel confident. Or positive.

Aim your expectations inwards and it´s up to you to fulfill them.